"I'd trade (future) Grammy Plaques...
Just to have my Granny back."

...Frozen

I am a chronic Overachiever.
I think that is a major effect of having your past failures, continuously thrown back in your face.
It is, also, an effect of being an "only-child"...
You start to feel as if you are your parents only chance of having a successful offspring.
It motivates & stifles me..
(talk about a double-edged sword).
Disappointing those that I love is my biggest fear.
I do what I don't want to do or what I want to do in a different manner, trying to please them.
But, then, isn't that proverbial death.
Living for others confirms their existence and denies mine.
& so I have come to feel that i don't exist...
& yet, I overachieve to prove that my existence is not worthless in the eyes of others....
How do you decide to, metaphorically, exist (in your own right)?

Still Frozen.

Until Then...

Artistic Interruptions!

Video by Blu.


COMBO a collaborative animation by Blu and David Ellis (2 times loop) from blu on Vimeo.

via www.bbcicecream.com/blog

 

This video is superb.

I was in awe.

 

Until Then...

#2

I have just recognized that I have control issues.

Lots of people have them & don't recognize it.

I, only recognize it in others, now, because I can juxtapose their behavior with my own.

But, I find that this comes from the fact that I care too much.

I am a humanitarian to the extreme of Hyper-Empathy.

I call it "protecting people from themselves"...

but, in reality, it is called being controlling.

I think this contributes to why a lot of my friendships & relationships shatter.

I always want others to take the most intelligent & safe road...

(which I don't always do myself, talk about a double standard)

and when they take a detour, I get angry...

as if it affects me.

I, mean, and in a way it does because if I love them (which isn't rare, I literally, love everyone in some way) then I don't want to see them get hurt or fail...

Wow, This already sounds neurotic and controlling...almost stifling (In Relation to Art).

How can you be a creative Human Being, without experiences to build on and express...good & bad?

This is, definitely, both a great discovery and a great dilemna.

Dilemna Today: How do you let go of those you love, enough to live and let live, but then also manage to hold on to them enough to be a support system?

It's so hard to watch people continue in detrimental patterns, but then again... Do I, too, watch myself do thinsg I don't want them to do?

Still Frozen.

Off to Biology.

Until Then...[whenever that is :0]